It’s been a while from I have been able to sit down and write a blog post. I usually have to be in the right frame of mind and have something I actually want to write about. Writing about ADHD, especially when you have it, can sometimes be mentally draining. It involves reflecting back on experiences that were often negative and unpleasant. However, through the practice of self-reflection with the aim to find the words to help people understand what it is like to live with ADHD in the society we have constructed, has given me valuable wisdom and knowledge of the condition for both my personal and professional life , as well as an acceptance of myself that I never had before.
It’s been over ten years now since I was diagnosed with ADHD and every day is a fresh new struggle but today I embrace the chaos and “accept the things I cannot change” (quote borrowed from AA). My aim is to be the best Niall I can be and try not to compare and despair and instead I take care and prepare for life the best I can.
There has been something that has been playing on my mind for quite a while and until recently I couldn’t quite pin point what it was. “Easily frustrated”, “People with ADHD are easily frustrated”. When you are first being diagnosed with ADHD one of the questions you are asked “Are you easily frustrated?” It may seem like people with ADHD get frustrated easily when compared to those without it. But let’s be clear, when you have ADHD there is lots to be frustrated about. If anyone was to wake up tomorrow morning with ADHD it wouldn’t take long until they were feeling very frustrated.
Here is an example of what it’s like for me on an average day living with ADHD. Having ADHD makes it difficult to get organized, especially in the mornings. So I allow myself extra time to get out the door in the morning. Part of the reason it takes so long is due to starting tasks and not finishing them. First thing I’ll do is get into the shower, obviously because it freshens me up but mainly because it wakes me up. I go and find clothes and get dressed which normally takes way to long because I can never find anything. Once I am finally dressed, I’ll go to brush my teeth in the bathroom, the next thing I’ll be wondering why am I sitting at the breakfast table over a bowl of cornflakes holding my toothbrush instead of a spoon. I still haven’t brushed my teeth, I get up to get a spoon and instead I remember the dog needs fed so I go to the cupboard and find the shoe polish that I was looking for yesterday and go and polish my shoes. Once I have polished one of my shoes to ultimate perfection I will realise that I have wasted half an hour and I have an appointment in twenty minutes. I’ll run upstairs, brush my teeth, run down stairs, grab the keys, jump in the car, jump back out of the car, forgot my mobile, run back into the house, grab my mobile, jump back into the car, drive out of the driveway.
“Oh crap, its bin day”, jump out of the car, run back into the yard and wheel out the bins. Get back into the car, “dog hasn’t been fed” run back into the house, feed dog. Get back into the car, now running late for appointment and still haven’t had breakfast. Halfway to my appointment I realize i left my phone on the counter in the kitchen when I was feeding the dog. This continues on throughout the day, you don’t eat properly, your constantly forget appointments, your actions become more impulsive, your emotions become more and more frustrated throughout the day.
Preparation does help to an extent but it’s very hard for someone with ADHD to organise themselves and maintain it. The memory problems associated with ADHD that I mentioned in a previous blog cause immense frustration for the individual. The only way I can describe it, is like having your day prepared on a blackboard and someone coming along and wiping away most of the words and you try to work out what you have to do based on what is left on the dusty blackboard. Life with ADHD is a very confusing and frustrating.
My point is, please don’t minimise the frustration someone with ADHD experiences by saying “easily frustrated”. If you have ADHD, you have a valid reason to feel frustrated due to the difficulties in managing your day to day life. People with ADHD need understanding for their condition as well as compassion and support for their differences. The frustration magnifies when we compare ourselves to those without ADHD and even more so when we come across ignorant people saying you’re everyday struggle isn’t real. Acceptance is the key and that sometimes takes time. If our frustrations are not managed well, it turns to anger issues or depression. As I have said many times before there is support out there and I encourage availing of it and for further information on dealing with stress of frustration please click on another of my previous posts Stress management.
Niall now offers One to One support for people affected by ADHD support through Skype. If you wish to avail of this support service please contact Adult ADHD NI by Email – Niaadhd@gmail.com